The multi-dimensional idealist

"I know what you feel, I just don't understand it."

Wise words, Mr. Brent Perkins.

I think that's one of those things that I can call the story of my life.

Weird, I've been getting a lot more personal with my blogs lately. Here's the thing about me: I'm not JUST an idealist. I'm not JUST the one-dimensional blogger that only thinks the way he writes. Truth is, I'm a human being with human emotions. I have nice thoughts, I guess, but there's more to me.

So I guess this is my "coming out" about who I am. I scratched the surface on one of my previous blogs, but this is the real me.

I'm Daniel Davalos, and I'm insecure.

I think that my friends don't actually care about me, and I feel like I have to keep impressing them so that they'll remain my friends. I recognize the fact that I live in a dream world, but I don't wanna come back to reality. I live in a world where if I change a little bit of myself very slowly so that people don't notice that I'm changing, they'll begin to accept me more.

I'm a walking paradox; I find my validation in Christ, but I'm insecure of myself. I know what I know, but neither do I understand it, nor do I care.

My worst fear is being boxed in for the rest of my life.

What do I do if I'm scared of being content?

I have identity problems, but my identity lies in finding my own self. But I keep it under wraps, because my mask is that of someone who has it together and figured out.

I'm extremely cynical; I always think that people have other motives. I isolate myself from people because I'm afraid that if they know me COMPLETELY they'll have ammo. I'm extremely good at making people think that they know me, when who I actually am is a looming shadow laughing at them for buying the act.

But the thing is, I'm not fake.

I want to be genuine with people, but I'm not sure what that means.

Worst of all, I'm content with who I am, and it scares me.

Prayers are much appreciated :)

Daniel